Box Making and Beluga Whale Petting and other things that have worked...

I have to admit we are pretty pro at this now. We have two beautiful engraved boxes. This is by far my best therapy. Finding little things to put in them writing letters and in journals. Looking though the contents. Its a wonderful thing to have and for women who have been through something similar I strongly suggest it. It sooths me to have them next to my bed. Sometimes I wake up with my hand on the night stand and when its really bad I wrap the boxes in a blanket and sleep with them.

My significant other goes though them also. It took him a while but boy was I glad when he did. Even if its not often for him to share more in our grief with me reminds me that we might survive this.

When I lost Lily I had weird panics. That her box was cold and would sleep with it all of the time. There's one thing soothing about losing two. The idea that they are together. If I am grateful for one thing it is that where ever they are how ever this works they are together.

The second thing happened after Lily too. We went to Vancouver. I have a love of beluga whales. We went to th aquarium to see them, we planned to have an encounter. Where you pet and kiss and play with the whales. You don't actually get into the water but you for sure get to interact. It was amazing. The whole experience was beautiful. But at the end something happened. It had only been 10 days since i lost Lily. The man telling us about their oldest beluga whale was reminiscing about when she came there.

He started with. "you know when she got here she was pregnant..."

Please no, don't ruin this moment talking about a topic that was still so raw for me.

I let him continue though. I don't know why.

"We didn't know she was pregnant, and she lost her baby."

Out of no where he decided to tell me this story. He didn't tell the other group with us about it. I looked at that two ton whale and felt such sadness and relief. I'm not alone, we knew each other on some instinctual level me and this whale. We were both mammals that had lost our offspring. I hugged her and kissed her one more time before I left.

Later after I lost Logan another whale there lost a baby calf. I might move to Vancouver. Maybe I could start a beluga whale support group. I like them better than people anyway.