I have realized

That maybe I am better off just talking to myself. I get too involved in websites, then I feel too betrayed when things are handled badly. It might be the pregnancy. Hell it might be the extra (hold on...*Runs to check bottle) 400mgs of progesterone I am ingesting daily. But man do I get worked up easy.

I don't feel personally attacked, but I do hate watching other people be treated unfairly. Why can't anyone just run a website that treats users equally. That weeds out the blatant liars, and redirects bad mojo. Instead of secretly going around and deleting, modifying and down right offending just a few people, whom they are obviously picking on. Who were very valid in their concern and response.

::Sigh::

Then of course I come back to the. "Why don't I just make my own site." This has worked in the past. But the realization that I am just one of a few who hate thins kind of (Yes Ren I will quote you now, because your word is the best.) Wank. That few people join me in my utopia. Then I go to work, lose babies, or have some massive life changing relocation that demands my attention and then I lose touch with these websites that I pay for, manage and overall feel like a pet I am neglecting. I don't have the attention span to mod and admin a site regularly. Nor do I have a partner in crime who will pick up my slack. So in the end. I just need to stop joining websites.

This desperate search for another woman who knows what I have been through, or someone to relate has led me to wonderful people but also people who bug me so much I sit up at night wondering how they can lie about something like that. The I get yelled at for moving around too much in my sleep and waking the bear.

You know whats always my undoing? Not just this recent site. But all of them (Only two events but I am hormonal and dramatic.) The lieing about pregnancy, and miscarriage.

Just to let all of you know IT IS NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, ok for someone to lie about losing a baby. Period. It is so a terrible, soul crushing, life destroying thing. That lying about it makes even the devil hate you. I will, if we ever meet, you both know who the worst of you are, punch you in the mother effing face... Twice.

Why? Because you have taken something so terrible for me, lied, received sympathy and support from women like me and been full of shit. You have taken a life altering event that sits with me everyday, and made it into a cheap game you play online for kicks. I hate you. Sorry. I just do. I'm so mad at the people who don't feel this offense is serious or understand just how much it irks me.

That's when I realize, no one really gets me. (Que hormone induced teenage angst.) You all sit here by me. Thinking that you understand. But you don't.

Maybe I am crazy, maybe its the pickle I just ate. I don't know. But i feel better now. So much so, that I don't care that the I above is not capitalized.