What You Need:
1lb of fingerling potatoes (Yukon gold will work too if they are cheaper)
2 tbs Fresh Parsley (You can use dill in addition to parsley if you want) chopped very fine
4 Garlic Cloves Minced or Crushed
1/2 Stick of Butter
3/4 Cup Sour Cream
Salt and Pepper
Boil the potatoes until soft (Soft enough to where if you wanted mashed potatoes it could go that way)
Strain the potatoes
While they are straining melt butter and garlic together in the same pot you used to boil the potatoes
Once they are good and melted and the garlic has cooked a little and the potatoes back into the pot and stir around, then remove from heat.
Add the sour cream and herbs and then stir, stir a lot ans smash some of the potatoes as you go to make a semi mashed but still whole potato mixture.
Add salt and pepper to taste
This dish goes amazing with pork tenderloin.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Things I Want To Eat! Vegetable Eggs Benedict!
Vegetable Eggs Benedict.
Lets start with Holondaise (I have realized I have no idea how to spell this word) sauce.
Grab (For 2 people)
4 eggs
1 stick of butter
the juice of two lemons (or one i cannot remember don't dump it in when its time add gradually and taste)
Separate the egg yolks set aside, then cut the butter into pieces for easy handling
Now this is important get a big glass of hot water.
Start a double boiler system preferably metal. So one pot boiling water and some sort of smaller metal thing to dip in the water for heat.
Now this is weird and I'm not sure if my method is how its supposed to be done, if you melt too much butter first your sauce will separate, of you don't put enough butter in the yolks will cook too fast and clump. So start with like a table spoon of butter into your double boiler let it melt. Then get ready with a whisk. Add the egg yolk and whisk till smooth should be pretty fast like 15 seconds , if it looks like they are cooking to fast remove bowl from hot water and stir away from heat, then add the rest of the butter one piece at a time until all gone. Now stir that for about 2 minutes so its mixed before adding the lemon. If at any time the mixture starts to get lumpy or too thick add a few table spoons of hot water. Its ok if you add too much water eventually it will cook out.
Add the lemon a tablespoon at a time so you get a good taste, of it gets too lemony add another yolk if its too yolky and more butter if its too buttery and one of the other two until you get a good taste. Last add salt ad pepper to taste. People like to use white pepper to keep the color. I feel like white pepper tastes weird so I just use black pepper.
If it turned out too lumpy you can use a hand blender to smooth out, also if you like a more frothy sauce this will do that also.
Honestly buying a loaf of french bread and having a friend over and practicing a couple times is not a bad idea and so delicious.
Now the sauce can sit, just stir it really good for a couple minutes and then add a tbs or two of really hot water every so often to keep it together and warm. It will continue to thicken as you go. (You can use the water from your double boiler)
Now for the rest. Vegetable Eggs Benedict is easy. I don't put it on English muffins because I like it to be a little different.
Eggs
Poached eggs (again this is a practice thing, good luck)
Veggies You Will Need
Tomatoes
Alfalfa Sprouts
Avocado
Spinach
Bread You Will Need
French Bread
Garlic
Fresh Parsley
Butter
Now here is the tricky part, the vegetables are best cold, but it will make your breakfast cold. So in my experience you need to slice the tomatoes thick, (Like a good thick sandwich slice) and fry them in a super hot pan for just a second or two each side to get them warm.
Cook the spinach until wilted (But not mush) in garlic butter
Drop eggs into big pot of boiling water. (Wash this pot as soon as possible as poaching eggs can kind of destroy a pot)
While this is happening, put butter garlic and a little fresh parsley and melt together, then brush onto bread slices and toast. Toast just enough to be brown but not super hard, you can also toast them in a pan if you want.
Layer the bread then the avocado, then spinach, then the poached egg, tomato and sprouts. Then pour sauce on top and eat.
If you want to make it gluten free
instead of bread take mashed potatoes and fry in a pan in little cakes in the garlic butter (Honestly this tastes better than bread anyway)
To make it super amazing use salmon fillet (Also changes it to a dinner if you want)
How to cook the salmon fillet.
Same as everything else, take some parsley, dill, salt, pepper and a little rosemary and spread over the the top of the Salmon fillet. Then get a lemon and slice half of it and place slices all over fillet. Then use the other half and squeeze juice all over the fillet. The take 1 tbs of butter per serving and place on top of the fillets. The set oven to broil, and broil until fish is tender and flaky. Place fish on bread first then add all of the other stuff.
Goes great with asparagus, and a pilaf rice.
Lets start with Holondaise (I have realized I have no idea how to spell this word) sauce.
Grab (For 2 people)
4 eggs
1 stick of butter
the juice of two lemons (or one i cannot remember don't dump it in when its time add gradually and taste)
Separate the egg yolks set aside, then cut the butter into pieces for easy handling
Now this is important get a big glass of hot water.
Start a double boiler system preferably metal. So one pot boiling water and some sort of smaller metal thing to dip in the water for heat.
Now this is weird and I'm not sure if my method is how its supposed to be done, if you melt too much butter first your sauce will separate, of you don't put enough butter in the yolks will cook too fast and clump. So start with like a table spoon of butter into your double boiler let it melt. Then get ready with a whisk. Add the egg yolk and whisk till smooth should be pretty fast like 15 seconds , if it looks like they are cooking to fast remove bowl from hot water and stir away from heat, then add the rest of the butter one piece at a time until all gone. Now stir that for about 2 minutes so its mixed before adding the lemon. If at any time the mixture starts to get lumpy or too thick add a few table spoons of hot water. Its ok if you add too much water eventually it will cook out.
Add the lemon a tablespoon at a time so you get a good taste, of it gets too lemony add another yolk if its too yolky and more butter if its too buttery and one of the other two until you get a good taste. Last add salt ad pepper to taste. People like to use white pepper to keep the color. I feel like white pepper tastes weird so I just use black pepper.
If it turned out too lumpy you can use a hand blender to smooth out, also if you like a more frothy sauce this will do that also.
Honestly buying a loaf of french bread and having a friend over and practicing a couple times is not a bad idea and so delicious.
Now the sauce can sit, just stir it really good for a couple minutes and then add a tbs or two of really hot water every so often to keep it together and warm. It will continue to thicken as you go. (You can use the water from your double boiler)
Now for the rest. Vegetable Eggs Benedict is easy. I don't put it on English muffins because I like it to be a little different.
Eggs
Poached eggs (again this is a practice thing, good luck)
Veggies You Will Need
Tomatoes
Alfalfa Sprouts
Avocado
Spinach
Bread You Will Need
French Bread
Garlic
Fresh Parsley
Butter
Now here is the tricky part, the vegetables are best cold, but it will make your breakfast cold. So in my experience you need to slice the tomatoes thick, (Like a good thick sandwich slice) and fry them in a super hot pan for just a second or two each side to get them warm.
Cook the spinach until wilted (But not mush) in garlic butter
Drop eggs into big pot of boiling water. (Wash this pot as soon as possible as poaching eggs can kind of destroy a pot)
While this is happening, put butter garlic and a little fresh parsley and melt together, then brush onto bread slices and toast. Toast just enough to be brown but not super hard, you can also toast them in a pan if you want.
Layer the bread then the avocado, then spinach, then the poached egg, tomato and sprouts. Then pour sauce on top and eat.
If you want to make it gluten free
instead of bread take mashed potatoes and fry in a pan in little cakes in the garlic butter (Honestly this tastes better than bread anyway)
To make it super amazing use salmon fillet (Also changes it to a dinner if you want)
How to cook the salmon fillet.
Same as everything else, take some parsley, dill, salt, pepper and a little rosemary and spread over the the top of the Salmon fillet. Then get a lemon and slice half of it and place slices all over fillet. Then use the other half and squeeze juice all over the fillet. The take 1 tbs of butter per serving and place on top of the fillets. The set oven to broil, and broil until fish is tender and flaky. Place fish on bread first then add all of the other stuff.
Goes great with asparagus, and a pilaf rice.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
I Guess I Should Update
I am 37 weeks. I spent 80 days in the hospital so far and will be induced on December 5th if he decides to not come earlier.
This has been super rough for me but also amazing. I can't beleive the medical comunity and how they treat women like me. If I had not lost the other two babies there would be no way I could endure the crap they put me through at the hospital. I feel so bad for women who have no idea and learn the hard way that the doctors and nurses are not always right.
I had a few bad days recently. Its hard to imagine that for me it is more normal to call a mortuary after birth than a pediatrician. Its a lot of "What if he's not ok." and things like that. I just have 11 more days at the most. I cannot wait to meet this little guy.
This has been super rough for me but also amazing. I can't beleive the medical comunity and how they treat women like me. If I had not lost the other two babies there would be no way I could endure the crap they put me through at the hospital. I feel so bad for women who have no idea and learn the hard way that the doctors and nurses are not always right.
I had a few bad days recently. Its hard to imagine that for me it is more normal to call a mortuary after birth than a pediatrician. Its a lot of "What if he's not ok." and things like that. I just have 11 more days at the most. I cannot wait to meet this little guy.
I Hate People!
First off, general advice. Stop it. I don't need more exercise ( I have only gained 12 lbs). I don't need to wait until I'm 41 weeks to be induced. Leave me alone. Don't tell me to enjoy my pregnancy. Believe me I am enjoying it as much as I can, but it is still the scariest time for me. I understand that I will worry once he is born. I understand he could die of lots of things later. But I have had children die in pregnancy. So pregnancy is the scary part for me right now. If he dies after that then I will be scared of that too, and thank you for letting me know all of the ways and chances there are of that happenening. Also statisctics are not my friend. I am one in 6000 with all of the issues I have... So 1 in 50 are not good ods for me and you are not making me feel better.
Also shut up with the weird comments. I will not only never speak to you again I will also never speak to your husband, sister, mother, and so on.
If I post a photo of a balloon that makes me think of my son that I lost over a year ago telling me.
"Wow it doesn't seem like that long ago. But i bet it feels like forever to you!"
Actually it doesn't it feels like yesterday. But thank you for your excitement? The situtation did not only not need your weird inappropriate comment but the exclamation point showing how excited you were to write it offends me. I don't care if others don't think its offensive. I think it is. Notice how no one commented after you? How no one liked your post but loved everyone elses?
Also telling me "I am happy that you are finally going to have a baby." is weird. I did not try for 5 years to finally fall pregnant. Especially when it is in the context of you telling me we are no longer friends and you will not be speaking to me anymore. Because I don't pay enough attention to you. I have been in bed for 8 months. 3 of them in the hospital. I have not driven a car in that entire time. What kind of attention were you expecting exactly.
Also telling me that I will neglect my baby because I spend my time online or watching movies is weird. I am ON BED REST! I have made 5 baby blankets, I have ordered everything the baby will need. Including enough diapers to last through his entire diapering life. I EVEN EFFING PAY YOUR BILLS FOR YOU SO THEY WONT BE LATE!!! WHICH YOU STILL OWE ME $300 FOR! Then when I argue , saying"I'm just letting you know what will happen." makes no sense either. Why the heck would I neglect him? I have been waiting and waiting for him. Worring about him non stop. I have a doppler so I can check on him! I HAVE TAKEN OVER 250 shots for him! Why would I ignore him once he is out. Also replying to me because I have a bouncer and a breat pump that i will never hold him... IS NOT A SANE ANSWER EITHER. I have to be able to put him somewhere. The breast pump (though I am glad I have it) was a gift!!!
I am so done with people. Just leave me alone I'll let you know when hes one. Assuming he even survives that long from all of the neglect and danger I will obviously be putting him in.
Also shut up with the weird comments. I will not only never speak to you again I will also never speak to your husband, sister, mother, and so on.
If I post a photo of a balloon that makes me think of my son that I lost over a year ago telling me.
"Wow it doesn't seem like that long ago. But i bet it feels like forever to you!"
Actually it doesn't it feels like yesterday. But thank you for your excitement? The situtation did not only not need your weird inappropriate comment but the exclamation point showing how excited you were to write it offends me. I don't care if others don't think its offensive. I think it is. Notice how no one commented after you? How no one liked your post but loved everyone elses?
Also telling me "I am happy that you are finally going to have a baby." is weird. I did not try for 5 years to finally fall pregnant. Especially when it is in the context of you telling me we are no longer friends and you will not be speaking to me anymore. Because I don't pay enough attention to you. I have been in bed for 8 months. 3 of them in the hospital. I have not driven a car in that entire time. What kind of attention were you expecting exactly.
Also telling me that I will neglect my baby because I spend my time online or watching movies is weird. I am ON BED REST! I have made 5 baby blankets, I have ordered everything the baby will need. Including enough diapers to last through his entire diapering life. I EVEN EFFING PAY YOUR BILLS FOR YOU SO THEY WONT BE LATE!!! WHICH YOU STILL OWE ME $300 FOR! Then when I argue , saying"I'm just letting you know what will happen." makes no sense either. Why the heck would I neglect him? I have been waiting and waiting for him. Worring about him non stop. I have a doppler so I can check on him! I HAVE TAKEN OVER 250 shots for him! Why would I ignore him once he is out. Also replying to me because I have a bouncer and a breat pump that i will never hold him... IS NOT A SANE ANSWER EITHER. I have to be able to put him somewhere. The breast pump (though I am glad I have it) was a gift!!!
I am so done with people. Just leave me alone I'll let you know when hes one. Assuming he even survives that long from all of the neglect and danger I will obviously be putting him in.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
30 Weeks!
we are doing it baby!!!
second stint in the hospital almost no cervix left. but every day countsnn
second stint in the hospital almost no cervix left. but every day countsnn
things bedrest has taught me..
that if you straighten your hair it wont get so matted..I looked like a stray cat for weeks before I figured that out
that of all the things you miss shaving will be the most irritating one
that you will sweat in places you never sweat before
that nurses doctors and strangers will all have opinions about your situation that are rude, incorrect, and wrong.
that family and Friends will fall off the face of the earth.
that people will call you out of guilt but lie about plans and disease to get out of helping and seeing you.
that without support it can be the loneliest time of your life. throw in some hormones and your a mess.
that not being able to get things ready for your baby will be so hard .
that people will think you are faking even if you are in the hospital
that hospital food will not be that bad at first but then turn into something you have nightmares about.
that you miss sex even if you had no drive prior.
that having a baby shower will be hard upsetting and disappointing.
that doctors will ask you questions then ignore your answer unless you are dieing.
that every pain will be noticeable and concerning.
you will find yourself online shopping for weird weird things.
food cravings are more intense when you can't get anything yourself.
that if at home you might pee in some weird container because you are in pain and afraid to get up.
that baby kicks are so wonderful and remind you why you are doing it.
that of all the things you miss shaving will be the most irritating one
that you will sweat in places you never sweat before
that nurses doctors and strangers will all have opinions about your situation that are rude, incorrect, and wrong.
that family and Friends will fall off the face of the earth.
that people will call you out of guilt but lie about plans and disease to get out of helping and seeing you.
that without support it can be the loneliest time of your life. throw in some hormones and your a mess.
that not being able to get things ready for your baby will be so hard .
that people will think you are faking even if you are in the hospital
that hospital food will not be that bad at first but then turn into something you have nightmares about.
that you miss sex even if you had no drive prior.
that having a baby shower will be hard upsetting and disappointing.
that doctors will ask you questions then ignore your answer unless you are dieing.
that every pain will be noticeable and concerning.
you will find yourself online shopping for weird weird things.
food cravings are more intense when you can't get anything yourself.
that if at home you might pee in some weird container because you are in pain and afraid to get up.
that baby kicks are so wonderful and remind you why you are doing it.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I have been MIA
Why? Well its a long story. Then again maybe not really. About 6 weeks ago I went to my appointment to find out that my cervix had dropped down from 4cm to 2 cm. My doctor admited me imediatly and i spent the next 4 weeks in the hospital with no change, so they sent me home. After two weeks at home I went to another appointment and my cervix dropped to 1cm. Needless to say I am back in the hospital for the duration of this pregnancy. Obviously being at home does not help my situation for whatever reason. We can sit and speculate but just like all of the doctots no one knows why.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
That being said.
Though I have felt such great milestones in this pregnancy and feel better about going forward I cannot help but feel really depressed these last few days. Logan's birthday is coming up and I am in bed. All day I think about it right now. I'm glad for the time I have alone (Which seems to be a lot latley) but also sad to be alone when I am so upset. I feel like a burden having to be on bedrest and then so much more of a burden expecting comfort for something that would not have happened if not for me. How do I get this guilt to calm down? I have all day in bed to bounce back and forth between fear for this pregnancy, grief about the children I have lost, guilt about everything that has happened and is happening, happiness to be pregnant now, and feelings of inadequecy and uselessness. Throw in the hormones and my god. How do I survive this? If this little boy makes it will I even be able to take care of him? Will all of this reflection destroy me? When people do visit me or come by to help I feel relieved to have a distraction but then some days they say they will come but don't. My DH says he will be home but doesn't show for hours. Am I unbearable to be around? I can't be mad. I don't blame them I am hard for me to be around I cannot imagine what it is like for them. I feel like I made a mistake getting pregnant with this baby. That my intentions were purley selfish and to put my family and this baby through this is beyond terrible of me.
I am!
The most pregnant I have ever been. Its so scary and exciting. The baby is doing good and we are almost 19 weeks.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Baby Update
Doctor gave me leave until my due date!!! I am so happy. I very much in detail discussed with him my fears about preterm labor. He wont do anything unless my perinatologist says to do so. My perinatologist thinks I do not need precautions for preterm labor. I think I do. I know I am a crazy pregnant lady. But come on. I have had preterm labor. Why not just listen to me instead of fighting me all of the time. If it happens then what will you say? Oops? This isn't a car. Its a baby.
I Am Selfish...
I have had a rough couple of days. I am really irritated. I am 17 weeks pregnant. This is crunch time. The next weeks are crucial. After next week it will be uncharted territory. I am not asking for a bunch of help. I am only asking that if you call me, then tell me you will be here in an hour and then I never hear from you again going on 5 days, just don't call me. Also I have had some pretty painful days my significant other has worked every day off, gone early and stayed late. Last night I thought for sure the cramping would be it. He got pretty frustrated with me. He wouldn't have even known if he didn't have to go to work at midnight to set an alarm. Then he has to go to work early. I just feel pretty alone. A big part of me is hurt. I thought for sure during these days and weeks that my friends and family would step in to help me. Even if its just support. I was totally mistaken. My significant other said to me last night "If its going to happen its going to happen." He's right. It does not make a difference if he helps me stand when the pain is too great or listen to me cry. If I lose the baby none of those things will make a difference. Its his right too. If I seem like I might lose it, who am I to expect help with it. I just feel alone. Well as alone as a pregnant woman can. Its just hard.
On another note the baby is a boy and doing really good. Poor kid doesn't know that his mom is not good at being one. Hopefully all the pain and cramping isn't hurting him at all.
On another note the baby is a boy and doing really good. Poor kid doesn't know that his mom is not good at being one. Hopefully all the pain and cramping isn't hurting him at all.
Friday, June 24, 2011
High Risk Pregnancy
I made a new website. Its still super new, but I am sick of not having a place where high risk moms, people who have suffered loss or people who are considering all of these things while TTC. So I made one. Its a baby site that's for sure. But I hope to see you there!
click <-
click <-
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Update.
I am 14 weeks according to my doctor. 15 weeks according to the baby. I had some hemorrhaging yesterday and spent last night in the ER. I hate all of this. I don't know what to do. I brought up to both of my doctors at both of my appointments the idea of a progesterone shot to help with an irritable uterus and preterm labor. They both shot me down. I went over all of the signs I have all of the cramping, the pressure on my bladder. Nope nothing. My perinatologists words were. "We already know whats wrong with you. That is for people we don't know whats wrong with them." They refuse to monitor me closer over these next crucial weeks. I am at a loss. Even with the bleeding and cramping yesterday still nothing. In fact they just wont even deal with me now. They just keep telling me to call the other one. "I don't want to step on his toes." They are so busy trying to not step on each others toes that they are not talking to me about these issues. The ER doctor was so irritated that she told me to get new doctors.
Then my mom. My mom is a weird person. When I had Lily, I was at home with a temperature of 103 infections, preprom, and labor and she wanted me to stay home. We knew we had to go to the hospital. But she felt that if I lost the baby it would be my fault for going to the hospital, that I should wait it out until her water refilled. We went anyway, her water had not refilled and I had to be in the hospital for days due to infection. She's also convinced my bladder is not emptying enough and that is then causing cramping which eventually causes my miscarriages. This is not true. But she wont drop it. She came to the ER last night at my request and would not drop it. At one point I was thinking about getting a catheter to see if it would help with the cramping because I kept feeling like I had to pee. Pressure from the cramping causes this not the other way around. I asked my DH what he thought about it and if I should get one. HE said no at first because it causes infection. UTI's for me make everything so much worse and he's right. My mom flipped out. That I need to make decisions for myself, and I can't let other people decide for me. Blah blah blah. She left after that. Which was not only stressful but also she was my ride home since DH had to go to work. I ended up having to take a cab.
I called her today to tell her I was home and everything was fine. She freaked out on me again. "You have to live with the decisions you make." And just overall implying that if I lose this baby too then it will be my fault. I DO NOT need people telling me it will be my fault. I eventually had to hang up on her because she wont drop it. Well I said "I'm going to go now." and hung up.
I guess I just feel alone. I am stuck in bed. My doctors wont listen to me. My family makes it worse. I know it stresses out my DH because hes the only one who is here to help me deal with all of this stuff. It's a lot to ask of him. I'm just scared, sad, and stressed out.
But on the plus side I get to hire a cleaning lady to clean my house!
Then my mom. My mom is a weird person. When I had Lily, I was at home with a temperature of 103 infections, preprom, and labor and she wanted me to stay home. We knew we had to go to the hospital. But she felt that if I lost the baby it would be my fault for going to the hospital, that I should wait it out until her water refilled. We went anyway, her water had not refilled and I had to be in the hospital for days due to infection. She's also convinced my bladder is not emptying enough and that is then causing cramping which eventually causes my miscarriages. This is not true. But she wont drop it. She came to the ER last night at my request and would not drop it. At one point I was thinking about getting a catheter to see if it would help with the cramping because I kept feeling like I had to pee. Pressure from the cramping causes this not the other way around. I asked my DH what he thought about it and if I should get one. HE said no at first because it causes infection. UTI's for me make everything so much worse and he's right. My mom flipped out. That I need to make decisions for myself, and I can't let other people decide for me. Blah blah blah. She left after that. Which was not only stressful but also she was my ride home since DH had to go to work. I ended up having to take a cab.
I called her today to tell her I was home and everything was fine. She freaked out on me again. "You have to live with the decisions you make." And just overall implying that if I lose this baby too then it will be my fault. I DO NOT need people telling me it will be my fault. I eventually had to hang up on her because she wont drop it. Well I said "I'm going to go now." and hung up.
I guess I just feel alone. I am stuck in bed. My doctors wont listen to me. My family makes it worse. I know it stresses out my DH because hes the only one who is here to help me deal with all of this stuff. It's a lot to ask of him. I'm just scared, sad, and stressed out.
But on the plus side I get to hire a cleaning lady to clean my house!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Hormonal Internet Related Post
Now I have had my fair share of Internet over the past four years, as I am sure everyone has. My experience is that people lie.... A lot. Which is usually not a big deal. Who cares if you say you have to have a farm because you have so many tigers you can't let them roam around the house. That they need to be free!!! Then post pictures of tigers you found on google. Dear Internet liars I am going to teach you some stuff. I need you to do me a favor first go to google images and search... twin ultrasound photos. I'll wait.............................................................. Ok now right click on the photo and go to properties. Do you see that url that pops up? IT STAYS WITH HE PHOTO AS ITS ORIGINAL POINT. So when you post that ladies photo it can be tracked to prove its not you. You moron. Also go to google now and search "Whats my ip?". Click on one of the many options. The number that shows up is your computers fingerprint. It shows up on emails, on wall posts, forum posts, comments, ect... When you say you are a pregnant artist who lives in Sweden...those numbers tell me you are in San Jose.... They don't lie. Unless you want to pay for a program that scrambles your ip...then I can see that to, or any mod. Then they know you have the device because it's ever changing your ip and sends hacker red flags.
Now this one gets its own paragraph... because well this is the most common. When you post they don't disappear into the oblivion... They are saved as forum archives. So when you decide randomly that you are sick of being fake pregnant and all of a sudden have you 9lb baby at 6 months you cannot deny your previous posts of due dates and ultrasounds. Then all of a sudden are defending your story to and ever growing hormonal angry mob. Also... no ones family member or fake husband defends people. If I said to my significant other "Babe, I lied about miscarrying sextuplets and now every ones mad at me will you post and demand they be nice to me please?" He would laugh in my face and have me committed (Thank god). So when your husband or friend jumps to your rescue... we know its you.
Ok last thing last thing. Statistics. Now lets talk about this. If you have been in a major car crash and your body is full of scar tissue so much so that you can barely eat, your stomach is slowly turning gangrenous but then next week you are pregnant and can't get enough spicy food... Um this will trigger red flags. Sure you might be telling the truth but if you are lying it will unravel fast. So if you are on a forum about pregnancy and there are 40 active members you being pregnant with twins is unlikely, and other women being pregnant with twins is your red flag to not be. Twins even with fertility treatments is a 1 in 200 shot. So when there are three of you pregnant with twins out of forty its not really plausible. So think before you lie.
Also if you suspect someone of lying... Someone suspects you of lying. There is nothing more funny than watching two liars cheat at scrabble or argue in a pissing match. " Well my husbands from Ireland and is a doctors and just bought me a 6 million dollar house." " Well my husband is a chef who makes me all the best food i could ever want and we are going to have a baby even though its physically impossible for me to procreate!" Getting in this pissing match over a public outlet pretty much forces you to come up with a lot of info fast that you will have to back up later. So don't do it. If some other liar is stealing your thunder let it be or you both will be caught. Also if you go to a site, look at recent posts or drama. If a liar has previously been headhunted then maybe back off because people are sceptical right after a fiasco. Also know your audience. Don't lie about being pregnant to pregnant women, they know their stuff. Don't lie about being an engineer to engineers, about miscarriage on a miscarriage forum, about dragons on a dragon forum, about aliens on an alien forum ect... These people are versed in the matter. If you lie on a different forum you are less likely to be caught by the experts. Sure you risk not getting as much attention, but I guess that's up to you to weigh out the risk factor.
Now this is not directed at anyone specific (I am totally lying right now) Its just an educational piece. To better help the liars out there understand what they are up against.
Now to the people being lied to. Its the Internet, and there is nothing more fun than calling out a crazy lying person. So maybe right click on that photo and see where it came from. Reply to a post that a miscarriage at 10 weeks does not produce a 1lb baby. Tell that person that dragons in Canada is ridiculous. Its fun to watch them squirm. Bring up previous posts to make them have to explain more (I thought her mom was a Mongolian whore, not a french one) and so on.
Have a nice day!
Sincerely,
Nobody
Now this one gets its own paragraph... because well this is the most common. When you post they don't disappear into the oblivion... They are saved as forum archives. So when you decide randomly that you are sick of being fake pregnant and all of a sudden have you 9lb baby at 6 months you cannot deny your previous posts of due dates and ultrasounds. Then all of a sudden are defending your story to and ever growing hormonal angry mob. Also... no ones family member or fake husband defends people. If I said to my significant other "Babe, I lied about miscarrying sextuplets and now every ones mad at me will you post and demand they be nice to me please?" He would laugh in my face and have me committed (Thank god). So when your husband or friend jumps to your rescue... we know its you.
Ok last thing last thing. Statistics. Now lets talk about this. If you have been in a major car crash and your body is full of scar tissue so much so that you can barely eat, your stomach is slowly turning gangrenous but then next week you are pregnant and can't get enough spicy food... Um this will trigger red flags. Sure you might be telling the truth but if you are lying it will unravel fast. So if you are on a forum about pregnancy and there are 40 active members you being pregnant with twins is unlikely, and other women being pregnant with twins is your red flag to not be. Twins even with fertility treatments is a 1 in 200 shot. So when there are three of you pregnant with twins out of forty its not really plausible. So think before you lie.
Also if you suspect someone of lying... Someone suspects you of lying. There is nothing more funny than watching two liars cheat at scrabble or argue in a pissing match. " Well my husbands from Ireland and is a doctors and just bought me a 6 million dollar house." " Well my husband is a chef who makes me all the best food i could ever want and we are going to have a baby even though its physically impossible for me to procreate!" Getting in this pissing match over a public outlet pretty much forces you to come up with a lot of info fast that you will have to back up later. So don't do it. If some other liar is stealing your thunder let it be or you both will be caught. Also if you go to a site, look at recent posts or drama. If a liar has previously been headhunted then maybe back off because people are sceptical right after a fiasco. Also know your audience. Don't lie about being pregnant to pregnant women, they know their stuff. Don't lie about being an engineer to engineers, about miscarriage on a miscarriage forum, about dragons on a dragon forum, about aliens on an alien forum ect... These people are versed in the matter. If you lie on a different forum you are less likely to be caught by the experts. Sure you risk not getting as much attention, but I guess that's up to you to weigh out the risk factor.
Now this is not directed at anyone specific (I am totally lying right now) Its just an educational piece. To better help the liars out there understand what they are up against.
Now to the people being lied to. Its the Internet, and there is nothing more fun than calling out a crazy lying person. So maybe right click on that photo and see where it came from. Reply to a post that a miscarriage at 10 weeks does not produce a 1lb baby. Tell that person that dragons in Canada is ridiculous. Its fun to watch them squirm. Bring up previous posts to make them have to explain more (I thought her mom was a Mongolian whore, not a french one) and so on.
Have a nice day!
Sincerely,
Nobody
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Baby Update.
Everything is good. The baby measured the right size. Blood flow to the placenta was good. Everything was perfect.
I know this is going to be weird. I might just be having a bad night. I love that everything is fine. I just feel that all of the previous times everything has been fine as well. I don't have placenta abruption, or clots that are visible. I don't have intrauterin growth restriction. All of my babies were born at a proper weight and size for their development. They were alive during delivery. I guess I just don't feel reassured that this pregnancy will be fine. Because it seeming fine is normal. I am in the second trimester now and right on cue the cramping is starting. I know to some degree its normal but come on. I asked my doctor about progesterone injections. He told me that if I had a psychological issue that makes me think I am having too much cramping then maybe he will put me on progesterone. Yep that's what happens, I imagine cramping, then I imagine my water breaking and then bam I lose the baby. Stupid psychosis that makes me imagine this stuff. I hate doctors. But you all already knew that. All 4 of you who have ready my posts.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
There is nothing worse..
Than having bad grammar and being to lazy to fix it. Remind me to not go back and read my posts. Another appointment on Monday! YAY! Hopefully I will post pictures. I am excited. I'm nervous something will be wrong. I'm also procrastinating my dishes which are pretty vial right now. I need to think about what to make for dinner too.
All in all though I feel pretty good!
All in all though I feel pretty good!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
oh doctors...
i have 2 doctors one is a perinatologist and one is an ob. I have realizede today why i need both. My perinatologist is very in tune with my disorder and my treatment, he knows my history and is really good with checking things. But he is not sympathetic to my concerns or to my worries. He feels that our treatment plan will be effective and there will be no need for any other type of inntervention such as restrictions or bed rest.
Now, my ob is very the oposite caring, listens to my concerns, obliges my request for leave. But he cannot remember my history. He did an ultra sound and told me that now i am out of the woods for miscarrriage. I just looked at him. Dude read my chart if you can't remember who I am. He is nice butin a completely different plane than my perinatologist. thry are both very nice, but man am I glad I have both to balance eachother out.
Now, my ob is very the oposite caring, listens to my concerns, obliges my request for leave. But he cannot remember my history. He did an ultra sound and told me that now i am out of the woods for miscarrriage. I just looked at him. Dude read my chart if you can't remember who I am. He is nice butin a completely different plane than my perinatologist. thry are both very nice, but man am I glad I have both to balance eachother out.
Monday, May 16, 2011
My DH.
Saves my life everyday. He thanks me everyday for doing all of these thigns for this pregnancy. He takes such good care of me. Mybe it the pregnancy, but man I love that man so much I might explode. He especially thanks me for not making me help me with shots. <3
Doctors appointment today.
It went really well to a point. My doctor is hard headed. He does not understand that this is not my first go around. His solutions were well redundant. Checking my cervix every other week though nice did not help me at all last time. He stated that if there is growth restriction then he will watch the placenta but I don't have an issue with growth restriction. Something just happens at that time. So all in all though the baby was healthy and so freaking cute I didn't feel very reassured. I just really hope my meds are helping so much, and that will be enough. But enough about depressing doctors. Its time for baby!!!
I just love it so much already. Please baby. Lets get through this. I promise I will love you so much. We will play so much. I will love on you all the time. Your dad will sing you made up songs all the time, and feed you all the things he loves. We will hang out so much. I am a really nice lady. I cook really good. I just love you so freaking much!
I just love it so much already. Please baby. Lets get through this. I promise I will love you so much. We will play so much. I will love on you all the time. Your dad will sing you made up songs all the time, and feed you all the things he loves. We will hang out so much. I am a really nice lady. I cook really good. I just love you so freaking much!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Family and Annoying People
I have a lot of brothers and sisters. I come from a big family. I remember my mom saying that I should be so glad I have sisters because they will be such a great help for me when I am an adult.
My youngest sister and me do not talk. Its not really her fault, we had an argument about whether or not I would make a good parent. Which I feel is none of her business and her lecture (She was 17 at the time) about how abortion was my best bet (Even though she lived with me, and I paid all of her bills) about how I needed to do this and this when I was not even pregnant was beyond annoying. So when I got pregnant and rehashed this fear she had of me screwing up my kids I was beyond livid. Her mom was a coke whore and I could understand why she felt some people should not have children. But I do not do anything close and took care of her when her parents couldn't. So when I lost the baby needless to say we have not spoken since.
My other sister is a great person. Terrible selfish and doesn't think before she talks but is sweet. She has been to the hospital with me numerous times. But after the second baby it became obvious just how much of a toll this whole thing was taking on her. Which I can understand. But it makes the weirdest things come out of her mouth. Today she pretty much told me that my negative thinking was going to doom this pregnancy. Which also insinuated that might have been an issue with the previous ones. Needless to say we do not agree and I am beyond annoyed. Believe me. I don't need people coming up with new ways that all of this could be my fault. I already walk a fine line here and do not need assistance whether from her or hormones as to the guilt I feel in this whole situation. So much for sisterly assistance.
I also have another issue directed at casual acquaintances. Why do you think telling me about your great grandma losing a baby is some how relevant to my situation. That's like me knowing what having twins is like because Angelina Jolie has twins. Your random relative going though something you think is similar does not help me to relate to you, especially when you have never met them. Your mom losing babies before you were born does not make me feel like me and you are in the same boat. Don't come to me with stories of your friends aunt. If you want to talk about what happened to me we can talk about it. But don't act like you know what I have been through unless you have been through it. I understand if it was your sister or your best friend then maybe we can relate a bit better. But your great aunt twice removed having a heavy period does not make you and me on the same page. We are not even reading the same book.
Also, if you have had bleeding while pregnant... then still delivered a healthy baby. You did not lose the babies twin. I have lost clots the size of my fist and knew it was not another baby. Especially at 13 weeks. Now twins can vanish. But if you never heard another heart beat, never saw it on an ultrasound, and had one day where you lost a little clot the size of a quarter, when you have a serious history of precancer in your cervix. I almost guarantee one million percent that clot did not carry a baby the size of a lime.
Wow.. glad I got that out. Sorry if this offends anyone.
My youngest sister and me do not talk. Its not really her fault, we had an argument about whether or not I would make a good parent. Which I feel is none of her business and her lecture (She was 17 at the time) about how abortion was my best bet (Even though she lived with me, and I paid all of her bills) about how I needed to do this and this when I was not even pregnant was beyond annoying. So when I got pregnant and rehashed this fear she had of me screwing up my kids I was beyond livid. Her mom was a coke whore and I could understand why she felt some people should not have children. But I do not do anything close and took care of her when her parents couldn't. So when I lost the baby needless to say we have not spoken since.
My other sister is a great person. Terrible selfish and doesn't think before she talks but is sweet. She has been to the hospital with me numerous times. But after the second baby it became obvious just how much of a toll this whole thing was taking on her. Which I can understand. But it makes the weirdest things come out of her mouth. Today she pretty much told me that my negative thinking was going to doom this pregnancy. Which also insinuated that might have been an issue with the previous ones. Needless to say we do not agree and I am beyond annoyed. Believe me. I don't need people coming up with new ways that all of this could be my fault. I already walk a fine line here and do not need assistance whether from her or hormones as to the guilt I feel in this whole situation. So much for sisterly assistance.
I also have another issue directed at casual acquaintances. Why do you think telling me about your great grandma losing a baby is some how relevant to my situation. That's like me knowing what having twins is like because Angelina Jolie has twins. Your random relative going though something you think is similar does not help me to relate to you, especially when you have never met them. Your mom losing babies before you were born does not make me feel like me and you are in the same boat. Don't come to me with stories of your friends aunt. If you want to talk about what happened to me we can talk about it. But don't act like you know what I have been through unless you have been through it. I understand if it was your sister or your best friend then maybe we can relate a bit better. But your great aunt twice removed having a heavy period does not make you and me on the same page. We are not even reading the same book.
Also, if you have had bleeding while pregnant... then still delivered a healthy baby. You did not lose the babies twin. I have lost clots the size of my fist and knew it was not another baby. Especially at 13 weeks. Now twins can vanish. But if you never heard another heart beat, never saw it on an ultrasound, and had one day where you lost a little clot the size of a quarter, when you have a serious history of precancer in your cervix. I almost guarantee one million percent that clot did not carry a baby the size of a lime.
Wow.. glad I got that out. Sorry if this offends anyone.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Pregnancies Side by Side
Do you see the crazy part???? I lost both babies on the exact same day according to my LMP. When I first saw that I couldn't believe it.
On A Better Note
My bleeding has stopped entirely. This is huge for me as the worst is usually about now. I have no cramping and also over feel that this pregnancy is going a much different direction than my previous two. We are on day two of no bleeding.
I have been on lovenox once a day, (Still bled) progesterone twice a day (Still bled)
Then against my doctors annoying wishes. Modified bed rest, and pelvic rest and.... the bleeding has stopped. I cannot express how much relief this gives me. I have an ultrasound on Monday and an appointment. For the first time this pregnancy I am very much enjoying it and cannot wait to see that little baby on the screen. I love it so much already.
On a side note. It has been years since I sewed anything. But ( was thinking about making little baby outfits for babies as small as mine were. Ones that I can send to the hospital maybe that tie in the back to accommodate size differences. I just look back at my pictures and wish the clothes had been more of an outfit and less of a sock you put them in. I mean they might never use them, but if it made one woman's experience a shred better, it would be worth it to me. I am going to look into it.
I have been on lovenox once a day, (Still bled) progesterone twice a day (Still bled)
Then against my doctors annoying wishes. Modified bed rest, and pelvic rest and.... the bleeding has stopped. I cannot express how much relief this gives me. I have an ultrasound on Monday and an appointment. For the first time this pregnancy I am very much enjoying it and cannot wait to see that little baby on the screen. I love it so much already.
On a side note. It has been years since I sewed anything. But ( was thinking about making little baby outfits for babies as small as mine were. Ones that I can send to the hospital maybe that tie in the back to accommodate size differences. I just look back at my pictures and wish the clothes had been more of an outfit and less of a sock you put them in. I mean they might never use them, but if it made one woman's experience a shred better, it would be worth it to me. I am going to look into it.
I have realized
That maybe I am better off just talking to myself. I get too involved in websites, then I feel too betrayed when things are handled badly. It might be the pregnancy. Hell it might be the extra (hold on...*Runs to check bottle) 400mgs of progesterone I am ingesting daily. But man do I get worked up easy.
I don't feel personally attacked, but I do hate watching other people be treated unfairly. Why can't anyone just run a website that treats users equally. That weeds out the blatant liars, and redirects bad mojo. Instead of secretly going around and deleting, modifying and down right offending just a few people, whom they are obviously picking on. Who were very valid in their concern and response.
::Sigh::
Then of course I come back to the. "Why don't I just make my own site." This has worked in the past. But the realization that I am just one of a few who hate thins kind of (Yes Ren I will quote you now, because your word is the best.) Wank. That few people join me in my utopia. Then I go to work, lose babies, or have some massive life changing relocation that demands my attention and then I lose touch with these websites that I pay for, manage and overall feel like a pet I am neglecting. I don't have the attention span to mod and admin a site regularly. Nor do I have a partner in crime who will pick up my slack. So in the end. I just need to stop joining websites.
This desperate search for another woman who knows what I have been through, or someone to relate has led me to wonderful people but also people who bug me so much I sit up at night wondering how they can lie about something like that. The I get yelled at for moving around too much in my sleep and waking the bear.
You know whats always my undoing? Not just this recent site. But all of them (Only two events but I am hormonal and dramatic.) The lieing about pregnancy, and miscarriage.
Just to let all of you know IT IS NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, ok for someone to lie about losing a baby. Period. It is so a terrible, soul crushing, life destroying thing. That lying about it makes even the devil hate you. I will, if we ever meet, you both know who the worst of you are, punch you in the mother effing face... Twice.
Why? Because you have taken something so terrible for me, lied, received sympathy and support from women like me and been full of shit. You have taken a life altering event that sits with me everyday, and made it into a cheap game you play online for kicks. I hate you. Sorry. I just do. I'm so mad at the people who don't feel this offense is serious or understand just how much it irks me.
That's when I realize, no one really gets me. (Que hormone induced teenage angst.) You all sit here by me. Thinking that you understand. But you don't.
Maybe I am crazy, maybe its the pickle I just ate. I don't know. But i feel better now. So much so, that I don't care that the I above is not capitalized.
I don't feel personally attacked, but I do hate watching other people be treated unfairly. Why can't anyone just run a website that treats users equally. That weeds out the blatant liars, and redirects bad mojo. Instead of secretly going around and deleting, modifying and down right offending just a few people, whom they are obviously picking on. Who were very valid in their concern and response.
::Sigh::
Then of course I come back to the. "Why don't I just make my own site." This has worked in the past. But the realization that I am just one of a few who hate thins kind of (Yes Ren I will quote you now, because your word is the best.) Wank. That few people join me in my utopia. Then I go to work, lose babies, or have some massive life changing relocation that demands my attention and then I lose touch with these websites that I pay for, manage and overall feel like a pet I am neglecting. I don't have the attention span to mod and admin a site regularly. Nor do I have a partner in crime who will pick up my slack. So in the end. I just need to stop joining websites.
This desperate search for another woman who knows what I have been through, or someone to relate has led me to wonderful people but also people who bug me so much I sit up at night wondering how they can lie about something like that. The I get yelled at for moving around too much in my sleep and waking the bear.
You know whats always my undoing? Not just this recent site. But all of them (Only two events but I am hormonal and dramatic.) The lieing about pregnancy, and miscarriage.
Just to let all of you know IT IS NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, ok for someone to lie about losing a baby. Period. It is so a terrible, soul crushing, life destroying thing. That lying about it makes even the devil hate you. I will, if we ever meet, you both know who the worst of you are, punch you in the mother effing face... Twice.
Why? Because you have taken something so terrible for me, lied, received sympathy and support from women like me and been full of shit. You have taken a life altering event that sits with me everyday, and made it into a cheap game you play online for kicks. I hate you. Sorry. I just do. I'm so mad at the people who don't feel this offense is serious or understand just how much it irks me.
That's when I realize, no one really gets me. (Que hormone induced teenage angst.) You all sit here by me. Thinking that you understand. But you don't.
Maybe I am crazy, maybe its the pickle I just ate. I don't know. But i feel better now. So much so, that I don't care that the I above is not capitalized.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
New Baby
So far (I am only 6.5 weeks) I have had a massive hemorage, constant bleeding or spotting, and low progesterone.
But there is still a baby in there. I have seen it five times and it is barely the size of a pea. I am so relieved.
I started taking lovenox aswell.
So this is my list.
1 baby aspirin
1 lovenox shot
2 progesterone pills
2 tums
1 prenatal vitamin
1 dha suppliment
Throw that in with some morning sickness and I pretty much battle it all day. I am so excited and so scared. This baby has already scared me to death and its not even the size of a sugar cube.
I thought I would feel more guilt over trying for another baby. That somehow I would be letting my babies down. But it has not been that bad. I miss them and they more give me strenght. Maybe because of how much I love my siblings. I just love the idea of being able to tell this baby about them. Assuming this pregnancy works out. It has been rough for sure already. They say that with my condition I will only make it to 35 weeks. Thats fine with me. So I only have 29 more to go.
Wish me luck and I will keep you updated.
But there is still a baby in there. I have seen it five times and it is barely the size of a pea. I am so relieved.
I started taking lovenox aswell.
So this is my list.
1 baby aspirin
1 lovenox shot
2 progesterone pills
2 tums
1 prenatal vitamin
1 dha suppliment
Throw that in with some morning sickness and I pretty much battle it all day. I am so excited and so scared. This baby has already scared me to death and its not even the size of a sugar cube.
I thought I would feel more guilt over trying for another baby. That somehow I would be letting my babies down. But it has not been that bad. I miss them and they more give me strenght. Maybe because of how much I love my siblings. I just love the idea of being able to tell this baby about them. Assuming this pregnancy works out. It has been rough for sure already. They say that with my condition I will only make it to 35 weeks. Thats fine with me. So I only have 29 more to go.
Wish me luck and I will keep you updated.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Stress
We took a few days off this week (YAY) but it definitely reminded me of why I don't want to go back to that place. I have recently been getting bribed I think. For what, I do not know. But the past week has been full of Blair fun things. We went to the Science Center, A Japanese tea house. I got to have my family over multiple times for loud delicious meals. I have been given video games, journals, a picture frame. But why? What is his plan? Its probably the obvious and him just trying to counteract my work stress which has consumed my soul at a faster rate than normal.
I began daydreaming about what I would rather do than be a slave for corporate retail. I tried being a nurse, but I could not handle the doctors. Now that I am elbows deep in more negative doctor experience I'm pretty sure that will never happen. Maybe I would like to be a teacher. Like kindergarten or high school history. It would have to be kindergarten, my grammar is terrible. Maybe I would like to write somehow for a living. I love to cook but hate working in restaurants. Maybe I will write a cookbook.
There are so many out there. Maybe I will write a funny cookbook. That is silly and full of things that are amazing. Recipes are so boring to read. How would you make it funny though?
I began daydreaming about what I would rather do than be a slave for corporate retail. I tried being a nurse, but I could not handle the doctors. Now that I am elbows deep in more negative doctor experience I'm pretty sure that will never happen. Maybe I would like to be a teacher. Like kindergarten or high school history. It would have to be kindergarten, my grammar is terrible. Maybe I would like to write somehow for a living. I love to cook but hate working in restaurants. Maybe I will write a cookbook.
There are so many out there. Maybe I will write a funny cookbook. That is silly and full of things that are amazing. Recipes are so boring to read. How would you make it funny though?
2 eggs (Without the shells)
1Tbs of ground black pepper (Don't be lazy it’s much better if you grind it yourself)
1 cup of milk (Real milk....fat free is just white water...)
I have no idea. Maybe I'll write a book about how not to clean you house (100 things that are more fun)
Right now the lottery seems to be my best bet though, but I know math a little bit and just cannot bring myself to buy tickets.
1Tbs of ground black pepper (Don't be lazy it’s much better if you grind it yourself)
1 cup of milk (Real milk....fat free is just white water...)
I have no idea. Maybe I'll write a book about how not to clean you house (100 things that are more fun)
Right now the lottery seems to be my best bet though, but I know math a little bit and just cannot bring myself to buy tickets.
So I recently took pregnancy tests. Now the way this played out was actually very odd. After I first missed my period I took a test. I was shaking the whole time. Petrified....and it was negative. Granted our goal these past few months has been...well to get pregnant. But the idea of it was so scary that day that I was relieved a little bit. I had bought a three pack of tests so the next day when nothing happened I took another. This time I was a little less scared and a little more excited. Negative. Hmmm now my brain is a weird brain, so I start thinking that if it was going to be positive it would be by now and i should just wait for my impending cycle. But...I have one more test. So I wait three days and take that test. By now I'm scared, frustrated and excited. Still negative. By this time I'm pretty much a lunatic over it. So what do I do??? Yes. I go buy more tests. Which starts this downward spiral of pretty much me waiting to pee. But guess what. 8 days go by and still nothing. Finally I'm down to two last ones. I have probably spent $100 on test by that point. I also am not longer scared of the idea, I am so irritated that they keep ending up negative that its pretty much a war now, and I am going to win damnit!
So finally 12 days after my missed period I take a test. Now it couldn't be easy. There was the faintest positive ever. So faint that if I had not been staring at negatives this whole time I might not have seen it. So what do I do? I sit my significant other down and make him stare at the damn thing. Now there are supposed to be two lines. There is the control and a very very faint line to the left of it. There’s a diagram on the test to show you what it should look like. The window cannot be more than 1.5 centimeters across. So I show it to him.
"I don't see anything."
Crap.... now I am crazy. But I can see it. I swear I can. SO I stare at it some more. Then he stares at it. THen I stare at it. This goes on for like 15 minutes. He still does not see it.
So finally I sit real close to him and take a pen and point at the faint line.
"OOooh I wasn't looking there."
"Where were you looking?"
"There." * Points quarter of a centimeter away from faint line.
I love this guy.
So then begins the fiasco. I make a doctor’s appointment. With my perinatologist. Granted its super early but oh well everyone just going to have to deal with me. I take the rest of my tests over the next few days and the line gets darker.
I am supposed to be 6 weeks. But obviously a faint positive 12 days late is going to be off. SO the ultrasound just shows an immeasurable sack. Which of course gets me nervous. I have HCG levels drawn and have to go back in monday for a redraw to make sure the pregnancy is viable. My doctor told me blatantly that I could work through my whole pregnancy. Which is not what I want to hear. I want at least my second trimester off. He told me that if my job is too intense i need to find a different job. Why would I find a different job when I pay to have short term disability for this kind of situation. The other weird thing is he got the giggle at some point. SO throughout the whole time we were questioning viability and my work issues he is literally giggling. I think I now understand why all of his reviews said he had terrible bedside manner.
So finally 12 days after my missed period I take a test. Now it couldn't be easy. There was the faintest positive ever. So faint that if I had not been staring at negatives this whole time I might not have seen it. So what do I do? I sit my significant other down and make him stare at the damn thing. Now there are supposed to be two lines. There is the control and a very very faint line to the left of it. There’s a diagram on the test to show you what it should look like. The window cannot be more than 1.5 centimeters across. So I show it to him.
"I don't see anything."
Crap.... now I am crazy. But I can see it. I swear I can. SO I stare at it some more. Then he stares at it. THen I stare at it. This goes on for like 15 minutes. He still does not see it.
So finally I sit real close to him and take a pen and point at the faint line.
"OOooh I wasn't looking there."
"Where were you looking?"
"There." * Points quarter of a centimeter away from faint line.
I love this guy.
So then begins the fiasco. I make a doctor’s appointment. With my perinatologist. Granted its super early but oh well everyone just going to have to deal with me. I take the rest of my tests over the next few days and the line gets darker.
I am supposed to be 6 weeks. But obviously a faint positive 12 days late is going to be off. SO the ultrasound just shows an immeasurable sack. Which of course gets me nervous. I have HCG levels drawn and have to go back in monday for a redraw to make sure the pregnancy is viable. My doctor told me blatantly that I could work through my whole pregnancy. Which is not what I want to hear. I want at least my second trimester off. He told me that if my job is too intense i need to find a different job. Why would I find a different job when I pay to have short term disability for this kind of situation. The other weird thing is he got the giggle at some point. SO throughout the whole time we were questioning viability and my work issues he is literally giggling. I think I now understand why all of his reviews said he had terrible bedside manner.
Oh well. I have to just wait and see what happens. Wish me luck.
That’s what I have been up to. What have you guys been up too?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Two.. Fianlly.
We finally got two doctors to agree. Took over 6 months. They both agree I have APS. THey both agree on treatment. Its such a reliefe but so annoying.
They both saw it so clearly. It was so obvious to them. Not on tests they ran. But on the ones my other doctors ran. The old tests. The ones I have been carrying around with me in a green folder for the past year. The ones seen by three other specialists and four Ob's, who were baffled.
The second, a haematologist, was very nice. He was pretty upset that it took me this long. He took a list of all of the doctors I had seen and wrote them a formal letter explaining my situation and where they need to fill knowledge gaps in their profession.
It was nice. He was sweet and told us we could try right away if we wanted. We decided to wait. THen a month later decided to try again.
We haven't told anyone. People ask me about it and I lie. But the weird thing is. At the idea of me trying to get pregnant again my friends and family are well very negative.
They aren't ready. I feel ready but their comments and weird behavior on the subject its pretty obvious they would rather us not. I understand the stress. I just dont want to wait two more years. I don't want to be over thirty. But most of all I don't want to spend the next 4 years losing babies. If its not going to work out. I'd rather it be sooner than later. And I'm only going to try this one more time. People are right. Enough can be enough. I never wanted four or fivr children. But it might end up that way. But i definatly don't want to lose another, but i feel bold enough to try again. If it went badly I would not be able to try again.
This month was a no go. So hopefully in march.
They both saw it so clearly. It was so obvious to them. Not on tests they ran. But on the ones my other doctors ran. The old tests. The ones I have been carrying around with me in a green folder for the past year. The ones seen by three other specialists and four Ob's, who were baffled.
The second, a haematologist, was very nice. He was pretty upset that it took me this long. He took a list of all of the doctors I had seen and wrote them a formal letter explaining my situation and where they need to fill knowledge gaps in their profession.
It was nice. He was sweet and told us we could try right away if we wanted. We decided to wait. THen a month later decided to try again.
We haven't told anyone. People ask me about it and I lie. But the weird thing is. At the idea of me trying to get pregnant again my friends and family are well very negative.
They aren't ready. I feel ready but their comments and weird behavior on the subject its pretty obvious they would rather us not. I understand the stress. I just dont want to wait two more years. I don't want to be over thirty. But most of all I don't want to spend the next 4 years losing babies. If its not going to work out. I'd rather it be sooner than later. And I'm only going to try this one more time. People are right. Enough can be enough. I never wanted four or fivr children. But it might end up that way. But i definatly don't want to lose another, but i feel bold enough to try again. If it went badly I would not be able to try again.
This month was a no go. So hopefully in march.
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