Why is it that any'time a woman has a heavy period, or something that looks a little weird, or abnormal pain, or a late menstration they assume its a miscarrige. I know women who honestly beleive they have been pregnant multiple times because of a heavy periods. Or women who take a pregnancy test thats negative and assume that its too late and they must have been pregnant. This makes me crazy.
"Oh I know I was pregnant."
No you didn't. No positive pregnancy test. No confirmation. You weren't
Women have chemical pregnancies/ miscarriages and their tests are positive.
If this crazy logic is true then I was pregnant over 40 times throughout highschool. Its normal to think "I might be pregnant." its not normal to assume when your period comes you are pregnant.
"But I saw a white clump." This could be discharge that has gotten dense, it could be calcium in the blood that has clumped together. If you did not get a positive pregnancy test these things are what you are seeing.
"I bled so much!" No you didn't. You haven't seen bleeding a lot. Litterally soaking a pad every 30 minutes is a lot and you are supposed togo to the er. But what they don't say is when you get to the er unless you are dehydrated, anemic, or have signs of massive bloodloss its not a concern. I have known women who soak tampons and super pads simultaniously multiple times an hour. Its just their heavy period. FYI Women have heavy periods. Its true. it doesn't matter if you never had a heavy period before. So many things effect hormone. Hell if you eat too much soy it can mess with you cycle.
"My cramping is sooo bad." Cramping happens. It doesn't mean you are havign a miscarriage. It could mean you have a little too much hormone in your system and your body is having a heard time shedding the lining. You might need to drink water. Theres so many thing that happen that are not pregnancy that cause this. My sisters cramping was so bad she couldn't walk. I had to carry her naked once from the bathroom floor where she colapsed to her bed while she cried and moaned. She was not having a miscarriage.
"I know I was pregnant." STFU. When I was 16 I "Knew" I was pregnant. Then I took an effing pregnamcy test and I wasn't. You brain did not mature enough to process the negative test. You have some other issues you need to deal with.
Also know pregnancies timeline. Implantation is what gives you a positive test. It takes 6 to 12 days after ovulation for this to happen. Those days prior the egg is floating and not giving you hormones. So if you had sex you cannot have a miscarriage 3 days later.
Also it is terribly offensive for you to compare your heavy period, food poisoning, cyst, and so on to someone who has lost a child!!!!
If you did not get a positive pregnancy test, or did not see actual products of conception you were not pregnant. If you think you are having a miscarriage go to the er!!! DON'T HANG OUT AND SPECULATE! If you are ok enough to hang out then you are not having a micarriage.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Breasfeeding is hard.
I now understand what everyone was talking about. And to all you super natural moms out there that had an easy time stop rubbing it in out faces! To all you lacatation consultants out there screw you acting like it should be so easy. Don't get me wrong it is easy now. But those first three weeks were terrible. Things i learned.
Baibies are picky. What position worked one minute didn't the next. I would try 6 different positions before i would find one.
What do you mean I will cry as much as him?? Its not hormones (well it might be) its so frustrating I cried a bunch of times. You have a hungry baby and you can't feed him because you can't figure out something that is supposed to be natural??????? Um its hard, sure we figure it out but man it was intense.
What do you mean they might have more than one burp or none at all??? No one taught me this. Q can have three or more. He would nurse for a second and cry. Then he would burp and still do it. Finaly I reallized he had mulitple burps. Also crying makes them swallow air. So check.
What do you mean if i turn on the white noise on the tv it will calm him down and make it easier. Why don't they tell you this in the hospital??? White noise is a fussy nursers best friend.
Don't suppliment! A bottle no matter how boob like is easier than a boob. Why would a baby want to nurse a boob when he can get the same out of a bottle much easier....lazy babies.
No pacifiers! They give him one in the hospital.
Nonstop nursing....just let it happen. Your baby is not starving they are just trying to get your supply up. Smart babies.
Count diapers... even if your baby is fussy 6 to 8 wet diapers a day is good.
Weight gain! Is important but some loss is ok.
Hand express the colostrum. So your baby is not nursing much in the begining try this. Even a few drops of your colostrum is better than nothing. Even a teaspoon is considered a feeding. It will minimize weighloss. just drip into the side of the mouth.
Get your bf, dh, so, to help you. There were many times where I would feel like giving up and DH would swoop in hold the boob and the baby. Help me move manuver and so on to get the baby latched. He was a life saver.
Don't buy backup formula just in case. You will use it if you do and start on the downward spiral.
Use the lactation consultants in the hospital!!!
At 2 months or so your baby will get efficient. Q went from 30 minuted feedingd to 9 minutes and never looked back.
When i was in the hospital a neonatologist came in and complained that only 30% of women breastfeed and how terrible that number is. Even if its just a few months weeks or years. It is really whats best for baby.
Baibies are picky. What position worked one minute didn't the next. I would try 6 different positions before i would find one.
What do you mean I will cry as much as him?? Its not hormones (well it might be) its so frustrating I cried a bunch of times. You have a hungry baby and you can't feed him because you can't figure out something that is supposed to be natural??????? Um its hard, sure we figure it out but man it was intense.
What do you mean they might have more than one burp or none at all??? No one taught me this. Q can have three or more. He would nurse for a second and cry. Then he would burp and still do it. Finaly I reallized he had mulitple burps. Also crying makes them swallow air. So check.
What do you mean if i turn on the white noise on the tv it will calm him down and make it easier. Why don't they tell you this in the hospital??? White noise is a fussy nursers best friend.
Don't suppliment! A bottle no matter how boob like is easier than a boob. Why would a baby want to nurse a boob when he can get the same out of a bottle much easier....lazy babies.
No pacifiers! They give him one in the hospital.
Nonstop nursing....just let it happen. Your baby is not starving they are just trying to get your supply up. Smart babies.
Count diapers... even if your baby is fussy 6 to 8 wet diapers a day is good.
Weight gain! Is important but some loss is ok.
Hand express the colostrum. So your baby is not nursing much in the begining try this. Even a few drops of your colostrum is better than nothing. Even a teaspoon is considered a feeding. It will minimize weighloss. just drip into the side of the mouth.
Get your bf, dh, so, to help you. There were many times where I would feel like giving up and DH would swoop in hold the boob and the baby. Help me move manuver and so on to get the baby latched. He was a life saver.
Don't buy backup formula just in case. You will use it if you do and start on the downward spiral.
Use the lactation consultants in the hospital!!!
At 2 months or so your baby will get efficient. Q went from 30 minuted feedingd to 9 minutes and never looked back.
When i was in the hospital a neonatologist came in and complained that only 30% of women breastfeed and how terrible that number is. Even if its just a few months weeks or years. It is really whats best for baby.
Oh Baby
I cant beleive I never posted about Quintins birth. He was born November 30th. I was induced due to murky amniotic fluid at 37. He was perfect 7lbs 11oz. He was very very red. I wish they had told us at the time that he would probably be jaundice because of it. We got home the day after he was born. The induction was very smooth. He was born 4 hours after they started pitocin. But at day 3 he was so lethargic and we had to take him to the nicu to be under the lights for jaundice. He was there for 5 days. He had a hard time nursing at first but is such a champ now. He weighs 18lbs at 3 months!!! Big boy. He is so sweet and smart. He rolled over at 7 weeks and has been learning and doing adorbale things non stop.
Preterm Labor...
Listen, to all of the women on all of the forums out there. I understand your doctors. Cramping is normal, discharge is normal and so on. Let me tell you as someone who has suffered preterm labor and lost babies and someone who has suffered preterm labor and had a sucessful pregnancy. 1 in 8 babies are born premature. Yes 1 in 8. So I want you to think about your doctor who dismisses your concerns, Then same healthcare professional pushes all sorts of tests. Tests that check for things with probabilities that are one in thousands.
Preterm labor symptoms and pregnancy discomforts are similar. But to brush it off when the ods are so high is ridiculous.By the time its so bad they will listen its usually too late even for steroids to help little babies lungs. So you need to speak up. If your doctor wont listen then go to the er. demand testing, monitoring. Beleive me, your insurance would rather pay for your hospital bedrest then a baby in the nicu. So some test they can do.
Placenta Monitoring: Measure the effectiveness and health of the placenta
Fetalfibronectin: Test discharge to see if there is a chemical presents that can be an indicator of preterm labor.
Cervical ultrasound: check the length and integrity of the cervix.
If all else fails and you still feel that something is not right ask for a bedrest order. Bedrest saved my sons life.
Preterm labor symptoms and pregnancy discomforts are similar. But to brush it off when the ods are so high is ridiculous.By the time its so bad they will listen its usually too late even for steroids to help little babies lungs. So you need to speak up. If your doctor wont listen then go to the er. demand testing, monitoring. Beleive me, your insurance would rather pay for your hospital bedrest then a baby in the nicu. So some test they can do.
Placenta Monitoring: Measure the effectiveness and health of the placenta
Fetalfibronectin: Test discharge to see if there is a chemical presents that can be an indicator of preterm labor.
Cervical ultrasound: check the length and integrity of the cervix.
If all else fails and you still feel that something is not right ask for a bedrest order. Bedrest saved my sons life.
gdiaper Review
gDiapers are a cloth diaper with cloth insert options or disposable insert options. Now I am not in any way much of a hippie but my Husbands skin is so very sensitive that I did not even want to mess with disposable. Not to mention we live up three flights of stairs the idea of walking diapers down all those stairs seemed to be worse than one extra load of laundry a day. I purchased gdiapers because it seemed to be the most reasonable with the most options. I purchased first their newborn diapers. They are supposed to fit a baby from 6 to 10 lbs. I got 12 of them with some bundle. But they did not fit Quintin when he was born at 7lb 11oz. They were too small and cut off circulation from his legs so much that they would turn purple. So we went to the smalls. They fit great for 4 weeks before he grew out of them. They were supposed to last from 8lbs to 14lbs. They only lasted us until 11lbs. Which worried me. I consulted my doctor. Maybe my son was not proportioned correctly. He said he was a big baby but just as long as he was chubby and normal. So we went to mediums again fit great for 2 more months. Again they fit babies 14lbs to 28lbs, but my son is only 18lbs and they no longer fit him. This time I contacted the company. I had purchased 12 newborns which never fit, 10 smalls which lasted less than a month and 10 mediums that lasted less than two months. $480 in diapers that only lasted three months was ridiculous to me and so far out of their range that I felt they should at least give me a discount on the next size up. I contacted them and got no help. They just kept saying my baby was a big baby and the sizes are just guidelines. Which I understand but when a size spans 14lbs and stops fitting after 4lbs or never fits at all I think that even a different shaped baby would get farther than that and the company should address it. In the end they did not help me at all and just kept relaying their return policy to me. Which ment they could not help me. Such a bummer they work great when they fit but only fit for a few weeks. So in the end if I could go back I would not chose Gdiapers. I would spent the extra cash to get on that has mor adjustment options, better customer service and more realistic size spans.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Things I want to Eat. Creamed Fingerling Potatoes With Parsley
What You Need:
1lb of fingerling potatoes (Yukon gold will work too if they are cheaper)
2 tbs Fresh Parsley (You can use dill in addition to parsley if you want) chopped very fine
4 Garlic Cloves Minced or Crushed
1/2 Stick of Butter
3/4 Cup Sour Cream
Salt and Pepper
Boil the potatoes until soft (Soft enough to where if you wanted mashed potatoes it could go that way)
Strain the potatoes
While they are straining melt butter and garlic together in the same pot you used to boil the potatoes
Once they are good and melted and the garlic has cooked a little and the potatoes back into the pot and stir around, then remove from heat.
Add the sour cream and herbs and then stir, stir a lot ans smash some of the potatoes as you go to make a semi mashed but still whole potato mixture.
Add salt and pepper to taste
This dish goes amazing with pork tenderloin.
1lb of fingerling potatoes (Yukon gold will work too if they are cheaper)
2 tbs Fresh Parsley (You can use dill in addition to parsley if you want) chopped very fine
4 Garlic Cloves Minced or Crushed
1/2 Stick of Butter
3/4 Cup Sour Cream
Salt and Pepper
Boil the potatoes until soft (Soft enough to where if you wanted mashed potatoes it could go that way)
Strain the potatoes
While they are straining melt butter and garlic together in the same pot you used to boil the potatoes
Once they are good and melted and the garlic has cooked a little and the potatoes back into the pot and stir around, then remove from heat.
Add the sour cream and herbs and then stir, stir a lot ans smash some of the potatoes as you go to make a semi mashed but still whole potato mixture.
Add salt and pepper to taste
This dish goes amazing with pork tenderloin.
Things I Want To Eat! Vegetable Eggs Benedict!
Vegetable Eggs Benedict.
Lets start with Holondaise (I have realized I have no idea how to spell this word) sauce.
Grab (For 2 people)
4 eggs
1 stick of butter
the juice of two lemons (or one i cannot remember don't dump it in when its time add gradually and taste)
Separate the egg yolks set aside, then cut the butter into pieces for easy handling
Now this is important get a big glass of hot water.
Start a double boiler system preferably metal. So one pot boiling water and some sort of smaller metal thing to dip in the water for heat.
Now this is weird and I'm not sure if my method is how its supposed to be done, if you melt too much butter first your sauce will separate, of you don't put enough butter in the yolks will cook too fast and clump. So start with like a table spoon of butter into your double boiler let it melt. Then get ready with a whisk. Add the egg yolk and whisk till smooth should be pretty fast like 15 seconds , if it looks like they are cooking to fast remove bowl from hot water and stir away from heat, then add the rest of the butter one piece at a time until all gone. Now stir that for about 2 minutes so its mixed before adding the lemon. If at any time the mixture starts to get lumpy or too thick add a few table spoons of hot water. Its ok if you add too much water eventually it will cook out.
Add the lemon a tablespoon at a time so you get a good taste, of it gets too lemony add another yolk if its too yolky and more butter if its too buttery and one of the other two until you get a good taste. Last add salt ad pepper to taste. People like to use white pepper to keep the color. I feel like white pepper tastes weird so I just use black pepper.
If it turned out too lumpy you can use a hand blender to smooth out, also if you like a more frothy sauce this will do that also.
Honestly buying a loaf of french bread and having a friend over and practicing a couple times is not a bad idea and so delicious.
Now the sauce can sit, just stir it really good for a couple minutes and then add a tbs or two of really hot water every so often to keep it together and warm. It will continue to thicken as you go. (You can use the water from your double boiler)
Now for the rest. Vegetable Eggs Benedict is easy. I don't put it on English muffins because I like it to be a little different.
Eggs
Poached eggs (again this is a practice thing, good luck)
Veggies You Will Need
Tomatoes
Alfalfa Sprouts
Avocado
Spinach
Bread You Will Need
French Bread
Garlic
Fresh Parsley
Butter
Now here is the tricky part, the vegetables are best cold, but it will make your breakfast cold. So in my experience you need to slice the tomatoes thick, (Like a good thick sandwich slice) and fry them in a super hot pan for just a second or two each side to get them warm.
Cook the spinach until wilted (But not mush) in garlic butter
Drop eggs into big pot of boiling water. (Wash this pot as soon as possible as poaching eggs can kind of destroy a pot)
While this is happening, put butter garlic and a little fresh parsley and melt together, then brush onto bread slices and toast. Toast just enough to be brown but not super hard, you can also toast them in a pan if you want.
Layer the bread then the avocado, then spinach, then the poached egg, tomato and sprouts. Then pour sauce on top and eat.
If you want to make it gluten free
instead of bread take mashed potatoes and fry in a pan in little cakes in the garlic butter (Honestly this tastes better than bread anyway)
To make it super amazing use salmon fillet (Also changes it to a dinner if you want)
How to cook the salmon fillet.
Same as everything else, take some parsley, dill, salt, pepper and a little rosemary and spread over the the top of the Salmon fillet. Then get a lemon and slice half of it and place slices all over fillet. Then use the other half and squeeze juice all over the fillet. The take 1 tbs of butter per serving and place on top of the fillets. The set oven to broil, and broil until fish is tender and flaky. Place fish on bread first then add all of the other stuff.
Goes great with asparagus, and a pilaf rice.
Lets start with Holondaise (I have realized I have no idea how to spell this word) sauce.
Grab (For 2 people)
4 eggs
1 stick of butter
the juice of two lemons (or one i cannot remember don't dump it in when its time add gradually and taste)
Separate the egg yolks set aside, then cut the butter into pieces for easy handling
Now this is important get a big glass of hot water.
Start a double boiler system preferably metal. So one pot boiling water and some sort of smaller metal thing to dip in the water for heat.
Now this is weird and I'm not sure if my method is how its supposed to be done, if you melt too much butter first your sauce will separate, of you don't put enough butter in the yolks will cook too fast and clump. So start with like a table spoon of butter into your double boiler let it melt. Then get ready with a whisk. Add the egg yolk and whisk till smooth should be pretty fast like 15 seconds , if it looks like they are cooking to fast remove bowl from hot water and stir away from heat, then add the rest of the butter one piece at a time until all gone. Now stir that for about 2 minutes so its mixed before adding the lemon. If at any time the mixture starts to get lumpy or too thick add a few table spoons of hot water. Its ok if you add too much water eventually it will cook out.
Add the lemon a tablespoon at a time so you get a good taste, of it gets too lemony add another yolk if its too yolky and more butter if its too buttery and one of the other two until you get a good taste. Last add salt ad pepper to taste. People like to use white pepper to keep the color. I feel like white pepper tastes weird so I just use black pepper.
If it turned out too lumpy you can use a hand blender to smooth out, also if you like a more frothy sauce this will do that also.
Honestly buying a loaf of french bread and having a friend over and practicing a couple times is not a bad idea and so delicious.
Now the sauce can sit, just stir it really good for a couple minutes and then add a tbs or two of really hot water every so often to keep it together and warm. It will continue to thicken as you go. (You can use the water from your double boiler)
Now for the rest. Vegetable Eggs Benedict is easy. I don't put it on English muffins because I like it to be a little different.
Eggs
Poached eggs (again this is a practice thing, good luck)
Veggies You Will Need
Tomatoes
Alfalfa Sprouts
Avocado
Spinach
Bread You Will Need
French Bread
Garlic
Fresh Parsley
Butter
Now here is the tricky part, the vegetables are best cold, but it will make your breakfast cold. So in my experience you need to slice the tomatoes thick, (Like a good thick sandwich slice) and fry them in a super hot pan for just a second or two each side to get them warm.
Cook the spinach until wilted (But not mush) in garlic butter
Drop eggs into big pot of boiling water. (Wash this pot as soon as possible as poaching eggs can kind of destroy a pot)
While this is happening, put butter garlic and a little fresh parsley and melt together, then brush onto bread slices and toast. Toast just enough to be brown but not super hard, you can also toast them in a pan if you want.
Layer the bread then the avocado, then spinach, then the poached egg, tomato and sprouts. Then pour sauce on top and eat.
If you want to make it gluten free
instead of bread take mashed potatoes and fry in a pan in little cakes in the garlic butter (Honestly this tastes better than bread anyway)
To make it super amazing use salmon fillet (Also changes it to a dinner if you want)
How to cook the salmon fillet.
Same as everything else, take some parsley, dill, salt, pepper and a little rosemary and spread over the the top of the Salmon fillet. Then get a lemon and slice half of it and place slices all over fillet. Then use the other half and squeeze juice all over the fillet. The take 1 tbs of butter per serving and place on top of the fillets. The set oven to broil, and broil until fish is tender and flaky. Place fish on bread first then add all of the other stuff.
Goes great with asparagus, and a pilaf rice.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
I Guess I Should Update
I am 37 weeks. I spent 80 days in the hospital so far and will be induced on December 5th if he decides to not come earlier.
This has been super rough for me but also amazing. I can't beleive the medical comunity and how they treat women like me. If I had not lost the other two babies there would be no way I could endure the crap they put me through at the hospital. I feel so bad for women who have no idea and learn the hard way that the doctors and nurses are not always right.
I had a few bad days recently. Its hard to imagine that for me it is more normal to call a mortuary after birth than a pediatrician. Its a lot of "What if he's not ok." and things like that. I just have 11 more days at the most. I cannot wait to meet this little guy.
This has been super rough for me but also amazing. I can't beleive the medical comunity and how they treat women like me. If I had not lost the other two babies there would be no way I could endure the crap they put me through at the hospital. I feel so bad for women who have no idea and learn the hard way that the doctors and nurses are not always right.
I had a few bad days recently. Its hard to imagine that for me it is more normal to call a mortuary after birth than a pediatrician. Its a lot of "What if he's not ok." and things like that. I just have 11 more days at the most. I cannot wait to meet this little guy.
I Hate People!
First off, general advice. Stop it. I don't need more exercise ( I have only gained 12 lbs). I don't need to wait until I'm 41 weeks to be induced. Leave me alone. Don't tell me to enjoy my pregnancy. Believe me I am enjoying it as much as I can, but it is still the scariest time for me. I understand that I will worry once he is born. I understand he could die of lots of things later. But I have had children die in pregnancy. So pregnancy is the scary part for me right now. If he dies after that then I will be scared of that too, and thank you for letting me know all of the ways and chances there are of that happenening. Also statisctics are not my friend. I am one in 6000 with all of the issues I have... So 1 in 50 are not good ods for me and you are not making me feel better.
Also shut up with the weird comments. I will not only never speak to you again I will also never speak to your husband, sister, mother, and so on.
If I post a photo of a balloon that makes me think of my son that I lost over a year ago telling me.
"Wow it doesn't seem like that long ago. But i bet it feels like forever to you!"
Actually it doesn't it feels like yesterday. But thank you for your excitement? The situtation did not only not need your weird inappropriate comment but the exclamation point showing how excited you were to write it offends me. I don't care if others don't think its offensive. I think it is. Notice how no one commented after you? How no one liked your post but loved everyone elses?
Also telling me "I am happy that you are finally going to have a baby." is weird. I did not try for 5 years to finally fall pregnant. Especially when it is in the context of you telling me we are no longer friends and you will not be speaking to me anymore. Because I don't pay enough attention to you. I have been in bed for 8 months. 3 of them in the hospital. I have not driven a car in that entire time. What kind of attention were you expecting exactly.
Also telling me that I will neglect my baby because I spend my time online or watching movies is weird. I am ON BED REST! I have made 5 baby blankets, I have ordered everything the baby will need. Including enough diapers to last through his entire diapering life. I EVEN EFFING PAY YOUR BILLS FOR YOU SO THEY WONT BE LATE!!! WHICH YOU STILL OWE ME $300 FOR! Then when I argue , saying"I'm just letting you know what will happen." makes no sense either. Why the heck would I neglect him? I have been waiting and waiting for him. Worring about him non stop. I have a doppler so I can check on him! I HAVE TAKEN OVER 250 shots for him! Why would I ignore him once he is out. Also replying to me because I have a bouncer and a breat pump that i will never hold him... IS NOT A SANE ANSWER EITHER. I have to be able to put him somewhere. The breast pump (though I am glad I have it) was a gift!!!
I am so done with people. Just leave me alone I'll let you know when hes one. Assuming he even survives that long from all of the neglect and danger I will obviously be putting him in.
Also shut up with the weird comments. I will not only never speak to you again I will also never speak to your husband, sister, mother, and so on.
If I post a photo of a balloon that makes me think of my son that I lost over a year ago telling me.
"Wow it doesn't seem like that long ago. But i bet it feels like forever to you!"
Actually it doesn't it feels like yesterday. But thank you for your excitement? The situtation did not only not need your weird inappropriate comment but the exclamation point showing how excited you were to write it offends me. I don't care if others don't think its offensive. I think it is. Notice how no one commented after you? How no one liked your post but loved everyone elses?
Also telling me "I am happy that you are finally going to have a baby." is weird. I did not try for 5 years to finally fall pregnant. Especially when it is in the context of you telling me we are no longer friends and you will not be speaking to me anymore. Because I don't pay enough attention to you. I have been in bed for 8 months. 3 of them in the hospital. I have not driven a car in that entire time. What kind of attention were you expecting exactly.
Also telling me that I will neglect my baby because I spend my time online or watching movies is weird. I am ON BED REST! I have made 5 baby blankets, I have ordered everything the baby will need. Including enough diapers to last through his entire diapering life. I EVEN EFFING PAY YOUR BILLS FOR YOU SO THEY WONT BE LATE!!! WHICH YOU STILL OWE ME $300 FOR! Then when I argue , saying"I'm just letting you know what will happen." makes no sense either. Why the heck would I neglect him? I have been waiting and waiting for him. Worring about him non stop. I have a doppler so I can check on him! I HAVE TAKEN OVER 250 shots for him! Why would I ignore him once he is out. Also replying to me because I have a bouncer and a breat pump that i will never hold him... IS NOT A SANE ANSWER EITHER. I have to be able to put him somewhere. The breast pump (though I am glad I have it) was a gift!!!
I am so done with people. Just leave me alone I'll let you know when hes one. Assuming he even survives that long from all of the neglect and danger I will obviously be putting him in.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
30 Weeks!
we are doing it baby!!!
second stint in the hospital almost no cervix left. but every day countsnn
second stint in the hospital almost no cervix left. but every day countsnn
things bedrest has taught me..
that if you straighten your hair it wont get so matted..I looked like a stray cat for weeks before I figured that out
that of all the things you miss shaving will be the most irritating one
that you will sweat in places you never sweat before
that nurses doctors and strangers will all have opinions about your situation that are rude, incorrect, and wrong.
that family and Friends will fall off the face of the earth.
that people will call you out of guilt but lie about plans and disease to get out of helping and seeing you.
that without support it can be the loneliest time of your life. throw in some hormones and your a mess.
that not being able to get things ready for your baby will be so hard .
that people will think you are faking even if you are in the hospital
that hospital food will not be that bad at first but then turn into something you have nightmares about.
that you miss sex even if you had no drive prior.
that having a baby shower will be hard upsetting and disappointing.
that doctors will ask you questions then ignore your answer unless you are dieing.
that every pain will be noticeable and concerning.
you will find yourself online shopping for weird weird things.
food cravings are more intense when you can't get anything yourself.
that if at home you might pee in some weird container because you are in pain and afraid to get up.
that baby kicks are so wonderful and remind you why you are doing it.
that of all the things you miss shaving will be the most irritating one
that you will sweat in places you never sweat before
that nurses doctors and strangers will all have opinions about your situation that are rude, incorrect, and wrong.
that family and Friends will fall off the face of the earth.
that people will call you out of guilt but lie about plans and disease to get out of helping and seeing you.
that without support it can be the loneliest time of your life. throw in some hormones and your a mess.
that not being able to get things ready for your baby will be so hard .
that people will think you are faking even if you are in the hospital
that hospital food will not be that bad at first but then turn into something you have nightmares about.
that you miss sex even if you had no drive prior.
that having a baby shower will be hard upsetting and disappointing.
that doctors will ask you questions then ignore your answer unless you are dieing.
that every pain will be noticeable and concerning.
you will find yourself online shopping for weird weird things.
food cravings are more intense when you can't get anything yourself.
that if at home you might pee in some weird container because you are in pain and afraid to get up.
that baby kicks are so wonderful and remind you why you are doing it.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I have been MIA
Why? Well its a long story. Then again maybe not really. About 6 weeks ago I went to my appointment to find out that my cervix had dropped down from 4cm to 2 cm. My doctor admited me imediatly and i spent the next 4 weeks in the hospital with no change, so they sent me home. After two weeks at home I went to another appointment and my cervix dropped to 1cm. Needless to say I am back in the hospital for the duration of this pregnancy. Obviously being at home does not help my situation for whatever reason. We can sit and speculate but just like all of the doctots no one knows why.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
That being said.
Though I have felt such great milestones in this pregnancy and feel better about going forward I cannot help but feel really depressed these last few days. Logan's birthday is coming up and I am in bed. All day I think about it right now. I'm glad for the time I have alone (Which seems to be a lot latley) but also sad to be alone when I am so upset. I feel like a burden having to be on bedrest and then so much more of a burden expecting comfort for something that would not have happened if not for me. How do I get this guilt to calm down? I have all day in bed to bounce back and forth between fear for this pregnancy, grief about the children I have lost, guilt about everything that has happened and is happening, happiness to be pregnant now, and feelings of inadequecy and uselessness. Throw in the hormones and my god. How do I survive this? If this little boy makes it will I even be able to take care of him? Will all of this reflection destroy me? When people do visit me or come by to help I feel relieved to have a distraction but then some days they say they will come but don't. My DH says he will be home but doesn't show for hours. Am I unbearable to be around? I can't be mad. I don't blame them I am hard for me to be around I cannot imagine what it is like for them. I feel like I made a mistake getting pregnant with this baby. That my intentions were purley selfish and to put my family and this baby through this is beyond terrible of me.
I am!
The most pregnant I have ever been. Its so scary and exciting. The baby is doing good and we are almost 19 weeks.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Baby Update
Doctor gave me leave until my due date!!! I am so happy. I very much in detail discussed with him my fears about preterm labor. He wont do anything unless my perinatologist says to do so. My perinatologist thinks I do not need precautions for preterm labor. I think I do. I know I am a crazy pregnant lady. But come on. I have had preterm labor. Why not just listen to me instead of fighting me all of the time. If it happens then what will you say? Oops? This isn't a car. Its a baby.
I Am Selfish...
I have had a rough couple of days. I am really irritated. I am 17 weeks pregnant. This is crunch time. The next weeks are crucial. After next week it will be uncharted territory. I am not asking for a bunch of help. I am only asking that if you call me, then tell me you will be here in an hour and then I never hear from you again going on 5 days, just don't call me. Also I have had some pretty painful days my significant other has worked every day off, gone early and stayed late. Last night I thought for sure the cramping would be it. He got pretty frustrated with me. He wouldn't have even known if he didn't have to go to work at midnight to set an alarm. Then he has to go to work early. I just feel pretty alone. A big part of me is hurt. I thought for sure during these days and weeks that my friends and family would step in to help me. Even if its just support. I was totally mistaken. My significant other said to me last night "If its going to happen its going to happen." He's right. It does not make a difference if he helps me stand when the pain is too great or listen to me cry. If I lose the baby none of those things will make a difference. Its his right too. If I seem like I might lose it, who am I to expect help with it. I just feel alone. Well as alone as a pregnant woman can. Its just hard.
On another note the baby is a boy and doing really good. Poor kid doesn't know that his mom is not good at being one. Hopefully all the pain and cramping isn't hurting him at all.
On another note the baby is a boy and doing really good. Poor kid doesn't know that his mom is not good at being one. Hopefully all the pain and cramping isn't hurting him at all.
Friday, June 24, 2011
High Risk Pregnancy
I made a new website. Its still super new, but I am sick of not having a place where high risk moms, people who have suffered loss or people who are considering all of these things while TTC. So I made one. Its a baby site that's for sure. But I hope to see you there!
click <-
click <-
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Update.
I am 14 weeks according to my doctor. 15 weeks according to the baby. I had some hemorrhaging yesterday and spent last night in the ER. I hate all of this. I don't know what to do. I brought up to both of my doctors at both of my appointments the idea of a progesterone shot to help with an irritable uterus and preterm labor. They both shot me down. I went over all of the signs I have all of the cramping, the pressure on my bladder. Nope nothing. My perinatologists words were. "We already know whats wrong with you. That is for people we don't know whats wrong with them." They refuse to monitor me closer over these next crucial weeks. I am at a loss. Even with the bleeding and cramping yesterday still nothing. In fact they just wont even deal with me now. They just keep telling me to call the other one. "I don't want to step on his toes." They are so busy trying to not step on each others toes that they are not talking to me about these issues. The ER doctor was so irritated that she told me to get new doctors.
Then my mom. My mom is a weird person. When I had Lily, I was at home with a temperature of 103 infections, preprom, and labor and she wanted me to stay home. We knew we had to go to the hospital. But she felt that if I lost the baby it would be my fault for going to the hospital, that I should wait it out until her water refilled. We went anyway, her water had not refilled and I had to be in the hospital for days due to infection. She's also convinced my bladder is not emptying enough and that is then causing cramping which eventually causes my miscarriages. This is not true. But she wont drop it. She came to the ER last night at my request and would not drop it. At one point I was thinking about getting a catheter to see if it would help with the cramping because I kept feeling like I had to pee. Pressure from the cramping causes this not the other way around. I asked my DH what he thought about it and if I should get one. HE said no at first because it causes infection. UTI's for me make everything so much worse and he's right. My mom flipped out. That I need to make decisions for myself, and I can't let other people decide for me. Blah blah blah. She left after that. Which was not only stressful but also she was my ride home since DH had to go to work. I ended up having to take a cab.
I called her today to tell her I was home and everything was fine. She freaked out on me again. "You have to live with the decisions you make." And just overall implying that if I lose this baby too then it will be my fault. I DO NOT need people telling me it will be my fault. I eventually had to hang up on her because she wont drop it. Well I said "I'm going to go now." and hung up.
I guess I just feel alone. I am stuck in bed. My doctors wont listen to me. My family makes it worse. I know it stresses out my DH because hes the only one who is here to help me deal with all of this stuff. It's a lot to ask of him. I'm just scared, sad, and stressed out.
But on the plus side I get to hire a cleaning lady to clean my house!
Then my mom. My mom is a weird person. When I had Lily, I was at home with a temperature of 103 infections, preprom, and labor and she wanted me to stay home. We knew we had to go to the hospital. But she felt that if I lost the baby it would be my fault for going to the hospital, that I should wait it out until her water refilled. We went anyway, her water had not refilled and I had to be in the hospital for days due to infection. She's also convinced my bladder is not emptying enough and that is then causing cramping which eventually causes my miscarriages. This is not true. But she wont drop it. She came to the ER last night at my request and would not drop it. At one point I was thinking about getting a catheter to see if it would help with the cramping because I kept feeling like I had to pee. Pressure from the cramping causes this not the other way around. I asked my DH what he thought about it and if I should get one. HE said no at first because it causes infection. UTI's for me make everything so much worse and he's right. My mom flipped out. That I need to make decisions for myself, and I can't let other people decide for me. Blah blah blah. She left after that. Which was not only stressful but also she was my ride home since DH had to go to work. I ended up having to take a cab.
I called her today to tell her I was home and everything was fine. She freaked out on me again. "You have to live with the decisions you make." And just overall implying that if I lose this baby too then it will be my fault. I DO NOT need people telling me it will be my fault. I eventually had to hang up on her because she wont drop it. Well I said "I'm going to go now." and hung up.
I guess I just feel alone. I am stuck in bed. My doctors wont listen to me. My family makes it worse. I know it stresses out my DH because hes the only one who is here to help me deal with all of this stuff. It's a lot to ask of him. I'm just scared, sad, and stressed out.
But on the plus side I get to hire a cleaning lady to clean my house!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Hormonal Internet Related Post
Now I have had my fair share of Internet over the past four years, as I am sure everyone has. My experience is that people lie.... A lot. Which is usually not a big deal. Who cares if you say you have to have a farm because you have so many tigers you can't let them roam around the house. That they need to be free!!! Then post pictures of tigers you found on google. Dear Internet liars I am going to teach you some stuff. I need you to do me a favor first go to google images and search... twin ultrasound photos. I'll wait.............................................................. Ok now right click on the photo and go to properties. Do you see that url that pops up? IT STAYS WITH HE PHOTO AS ITS ORIGINAL POINT. So when you post that ladies photo it can be tracked to prove its not you. You moron. Also go to google now and search "Whats my ip?". Click on one of the many options. The number that shows up is your computers fingerprint. It shows up on emails, on wall posts, forum posts, comments, ect... When you say you are a pregnant artist who lives in Sweden...those numbers tell me you are in San Jose.... They don't lie. Unless you want to pay for a program that scrambles your ip...then I can see that to, or any mod. Then they know you have the device because it's ever changing your ip and sends hacker red flags.
Now this one gets its own paragraph... because well this is the most common. When you post they don't disappear into the oblivion... They are saved as forum archives. So when you decide randomly that you are sick of being fake pregnant and all of a sudden have you 9lb baby at 6 months you cannot deny your previous posts of due dates and ultrasounds. Then all of a sudden are defending your story to and ever growing hormonal angry mob. Also... no ones family member or fake husband defends people. If I said to my significant other "Babe, I lied about miscarrying sextuplets and now every ones mad at me will you post and demand they be nice to me please?" He would laugh in my face and have me committed (Thank god). So when your husband or friend jumps to your rescue... we know its you.
Ok last thing last thing. Statistics. Now lets talk about this. If you have been in a major car crash and your body is full of scar tissue so much so that you can barely eat, your stomach is slowly turning gangrenous but then next week you are pregnant and can't get enough spicy food... Um this will trigger red flags. Sure you might be telling the truth but if you are lying it will unravel fast. So if you are on a forum about pregnancy and there are 40 active members you being pregnant with twins is unlikely, and other women being pregnant with twins is your red flag to not be. Twins even with fertility treatments is a 1 in 200 shot. So when there are three of you pregnant with twins out of forty its not really plausible. So think before you lie.
Also if you suspect someone of lying... Someone suspects you of lying. There is nothing more funny than watching two liars cheat at scrabble or argue in a pissing match. " Well my husbands from Ireland and is a doctors and just bought me a 6 million dollar house." " Well my husband is a chef who makes me all the best food i could ever want and we are going to have a baby even though its physically impossible for me to procreate!" Getting in this pissing match over a public outlet pretty much forces you to come up with a lot of info fast that you will have to back up later. So don't do it. If some other liar is stealing your thunder let it be or you both will be caught. Also if you go to a site, look at recent posts or drama. If a liar has previously been headhunted then maybe back off because people are sceptical right after a fiasco. Also know your audience. Don't lie about being pregnant to pregnant women, they know their stuff. Don't lie about being an engineer to engineers, about miscarriage on a miscarriage forum, about dragons on a dragon forum, about aliens on an alien forum ect... These people are versed in the matter. If you lie on a different forum you are less likely to be caught by the experts. Sure you risk not getting as much attention, but I guess that's up to you to weigh out the risk factor.
Now this is not directed at anyone specific (I am totally lying right now) Its just an educational piece. To better help the liars out there understand what they are up against.
Now to the people being lied to. Its the Internet, and there is nothing more fun than calling out a crazy lying person. So maybe right click on that photo and see where it came from. Reply to a post that a miscarriage at 10 weeks does not produce a 1lb baby. Tell that person that dragons in Canada is ridiculous. Its fun to watch them squirm. Bring up previous posts to make them have to explain more (I thought her mom was a Mongolian whore, not a french one) and so on.
Have a nice day!
Sincerely,
Nobody
Now this one gets its own paragraph... because well this is the most common. When you post they don't disappear into the oblivion... They are saved as forum archives. So when you decide randomly that you are sick of being fake pregnant and all of a sudden have you 9lb baby at 6 months you cannot deny your previous posts of due dates and ultrasounds. Then all of a sudden are defending your story to and ever growing hormonal angry mob. Also... no ones family member or fake husband defends people. If I said to my significant other "Babe, I lied about miscarrying sextuplets and now every ones mad at me will you post and demand they be nice to me please?" He would laugh in my face and have me committed (Thank god). So when your husband or friend jumps to your rescue... we know its you.
Ok last thing last thing. Statistics. Now lets talk about this. If you have been in a major car crash and your body is full of scar tissue so much so that you can barely eat, your stomach is slowly turning gangrenous but then next week you are pregnant and can't get enough spicy food... Um this will trigger red flags. Sure you might be telling the truth but if you are lying it will unravel fast. So if you are on a forum about pregnancy and there are 40 active members you being pregnant with twins is unlikely, and other women being pregnant with twins is your red flag to not be. Twins even with fertility treatments is a 1 in 200 shot. So when there are three of you pregnant with twins out of forty its not really plausible. So think before you lie.
Also if you suspect someone of lying... Someone suspects you of lying. There is nothing more funny than watching two liars cheat at scrabble or argue in a pissing match. " Well my husbands from Ireland and is a doctors and just bought me a 6 million dollar house." " Well my husband is a chef who makes me all the best food i could ever want and we are going to have a baby even though its physically impossible for me to procreate!" Getting in this pissing match over a public outlet pretty much forces you to come up with a lot of info fast that you will have to back up later. So don't do it. If some other liar is stealing your thunder let it be or you both will be caught. Also if you go to a site, look at recent posts or drama. If a liar has previously been headhunted then maybe back off because people are sceptical right after a fiasco. Also know your audience. Don't lie about being pregnant to pregnant women, they know their stuff. Don't lie about being an engineer to engineers, about miscarriage on a miscarriage forum, about dragons on a dragon forum, about aliens on an alien forum ect... These people are versed in the matter. If you lie on a different forum you are less likely to be caught by the experts. Sure you risk not getting as much attention, but I guess that's up to you to weigh out the risk factor.
Now this is not directed at anyone specific (I am totally lying right now) Its just an educational piece. To better help the liars out there understand what they are up against.
Now to the people being lied to. Its the Internet, and there is nothing more fun than calling out a crazy lying person. So maybe right click on that photo and see where it came from. Reply to a post that a miscarriage at 10 weeks does not produce a 1lb baby. Tell that person that dragons in Canada is ridiculous. Its fun to watch them squirm. Bring up previous posts to make them have to explain more (I thought her mom was a Mongolian whore, not a french one) and so on.
Have a nice day!
Sincerely,
Nobody
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Baby Update.
Everything is good. The baby measured the right size. Blood flow to the placenta was good. Everything was perfect.
I know this is going to be weird. I might just be having a bad night. I love that everything is fine. I just feel that all of the previous times everything has been fine as well. I don't have placenta abruption, or clots that are visible. I don't have intrauterin growth restriction. All of my babies were born at a proper weight and size for their development. They were alive during delivery. I guess I just don't feel reassured that this pregnancy will be fine. Because it seeming fine is normal. I am in the second trimester now and right on cue the cramping is starting. I know to some degree its normal but come on. I asked my doctor about progesterone injections. He told me that if I had a psychological issue that makes me think I am having too much cramping then maybe he will put me on progesterone. Yep that's what happens, I imagine cramping, then I imagine my water breaking and then bam I lose the baby. Stupid psychosis that makes me imagine this stuff. I hate doctors. But you all already knew that. All 4 of you who have ready my posts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)